I often times have trouble sleeping. There is a long and tiresome list of reasons why. So tiresome that you might think pondering it alone would end my nocturnal lifestyle, but alas it does not.
Sometimes I sit here awake and feel frustrated. Why is everyone in my family sleeping, and yet I can not. Why is there so much on my mind that I can not rest.
Other times I am happy. Thank goodness for a moment of quiet. Finally time to fill my blog with random thoughts that nobody should care about, and yet people continue to read.
And then there are the times when it is just static. White noise. A buzzing in my brain that is unable to comprehend a thought, let alone settle on an emotion.
Tonight however it is a mix of all three. I don’t have the ability to do anything great, or creative. My mind is a little numb for that. I am a little frustrated because I know I need to sleep and can not. But I am also happy. I just looked and saw that my blog is just about to hit 15,000 views. This may not seem like a lot to many of you other bloggers out there but I have never been “pressed” by this site (a random act done by WordPress that seems to draw nearly that number in a single day), and I don’t have a singular topic that would draw in the same people looking for information on a regular basis. This number also does not reflect the views via email, or other notifications that people who were kind enough to “follow” me would create. That alone would put me at 2000 more hits or more.
What I do have is a load of friends who time and time again prove to me that my random thoughts somehow matter. They read my posts, and sometimes comment. They endure my relentless complaining about a laundry list of things, many of which are of no concern to them aside from their friendship with me. Many of them will share my posts on Facebook to help drum up even more readers.
I am extremely proud of the fact that I wrote a book. It was a life dream and I did it. I am proud that I am working on the second one. I am proud of the work I am doing in my brother’s name with ICV, and I am proud of the job I do (most days) as a husband and a father. But most of all I am proud that in some way I touched the lives of enough people to ever reach 15000 hits. I am proud to have the friends and family that I do, and to see that they love me at least enough to put up with my bitching and moaning, and to laugh at my horrible jokes.
I wish that my mom, and my in-laws and my brother and my grandparents and my cousin Ted, and aunt Joy, along with a depressingly long list of others could be part of these hits, but I am sure that much like the followers who read my words via email, they are watching. They are supporting me and looking down on me right now. (this reminds me. I should take more care not to write in my underwear….sorry you guys have to see that.)
Sometimes being awake when the world is asleep is a good thing. The reflection time is good for the soul. I wish I was better at telling people I love them, but sadly outside of my writing, my true emotions are something I spent years trying to hide. They are a bit more apparent these days, but there is still a great deal that I keep to myself. I should probably work on that, but for now I am simply going to sit here and continue to reflect on how awesome I must be to have so many friends that are only slightly less awesome than I am! Love you all!